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Monthly Archives: November 2011

I can’t do this anymore

I just don’t have the time.


Play-By-Play: The Cutie Pox

In these little play-by-plays I watch an episode and as it goes on I make commentary on it. It’s kind of like a Riff Track only there’s no time limit on jokes based on the progression of what you’re watching. And of course be aware that this commentary will contain MAJOR SPOILERS.

In this episode, the Cutie Mark Crusaders contract a terminal disease and die.

…did I mention that his commentary will contain spoilers? Also be warned that this episode has a goldmine of jokes within the first ten minutes alone, so I’ll tell you the same thing I told your mom – it’s a long one.

EDIT: Embed is here!

0:00 – Wow, Apple Bloom can feel the cancer taking hold. Go towards the light kid!

0:10 – How do you bowl with hooves? And why was Applejack farming corn? And who the fuck is Pip? I should make a list of these unanswered questions. By the end of the season it’ll be the size of a small novel.

0:11 – Sweetie Belle, use your telekinesis. You could use the practice.

0:21 – The three strikes? That just makes it sound like you guys struck out.

0:24 – These damn kids are always stealing my jokes!

0:37 – I don’t get it.

0:45 – This episode has been brought to you by Mr. Freeze’s Encyclopedia of Puns, the coolest pun book there is! The hilarity of these punderful jokes will be sure to break the ice! You’ll turn frigid gatherings into chill parties! Order Mr. Freeze’s Encyclopedia of Puns today so that you too can kick some ice!

What killed the dinosaurs?

The Ice Age!

Alright, I’m done. Incidentally though, Mr. Freeze is probably the coolest (pun partially intended, but I really am done I swear) boss fight in Batman: Arkham City. If you haven’t played that game yet, you should. Review forthcoming? I did originally intend for this to be a gaming blog after all.

0:52 – Steve Buscemi is the best pony.

Also notable is that this is actually the second cartoon Lauren Faust has been involved with to have a Big Lebowski reference, the first one being Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends (and I apologize for not being able to find an English version of that video).

EDIT: I’ve been informed by Youtube commenters that it’s actually the third, with Foster’s being the second and the the first being none other than The Powerpuff Girls. I guess Faust is just a big fan. I can’t blame her, it really brings her shows together.

0:58 – Don’t worry, Sweetie Belle, maybe you’ll get a cutie mark of a gutter and become a carpenter! Oh wait, that’s Apple Bloom.


1:13 – I wonder if bowling alleys have blacklists. I guess there’s only one way to find out!

…By calling them and asking! You should also ask if they have ten pound balls, they never get tired of that joke.

1:20 – Oh god, I just thought of all the rule 34 that’s going to be based off of Apple Bloom sucking large things. Excuse me while I vomit.

1:26 – Wow, I didn’t think that would actually work. Maybe I should try a spitball the next time I go bowling. I’d better call ahead and make sure they’re okay with me putting their ten pound balls in my mouth though.

No homo.

1:32 – Kid, getting one strike doesn’t mean you can be a bowler for the rest of your life. Try bowling a 300 and then you can talk about it with your sister.

1:38 – Oh, they were talking about…not Colgate. Well okay then.

1:50 – You know, that’s probably what would have happened if I had used my mouth on some balls too.

No homo.

1:56 – Well, you still have 10 more frames to go kids, might as well play it out. Unless Scootaloo gets you guys thrown out for kicking testes balls around.

2:39 – “At least you were able to keep your balls in your pants mouth anus lane.” It’s really difficult to write this without making a ton of immature jokes about male anatomy so far.

2:43 – Oh shit, The Kingpin exists in this universe!? Quick, call Spider-Pony and Maredevil! They’ll take care of this!

2:49 – Well Rainbow Dash was able to make a tactical friendship nuke a few episodes ago, so I figure you’ll probably have about the same firepower as a MOAB when you’re her age.

3:03 – Do I even have to say it?

3:11 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2U_1ASaZOc

3:19 – What the hell is a chapeau? Is it french for “dead peacock on your head”? Because that’s what it looks like!

3:35 – Oh geez, Apple Bloom walking into the Everfree Forest alone. It’s just like Story of the Blank Flanks…and every other fan-made flash game made since Story of the Blank Flanks. What is the fixation this fandom has with that game?

3:43 – Yeah, don’t, like GO AFTER HER or anything. Not like any DANGEROUS MONSTERS live in the Everfree Forest of anything. These kids are so stupid I can’t even fully put it into words.

3:54 – And now Zecora shows up. Oh geez, the writers HAVE played Story of the Blank Flanks.

4:03 – Pretty convenient that Apple Bloom’s injury happened to rhyme with what Zecora said. It would have been embarassing if it didn’t.

“What has happened to you, youth? Ah, I see, you have…broken your leg…oof.”

“Zecora, that was lame.”

“Now look here, you little snot, do you want medical help or not?”

4:17 – Wow, I didn’t think it was possible but Apple Bloom’s voice CAN be made more annoying.

4:44 – Oh shit, Apple Bloom, what have you done!

4:47 – …apparently, nothing. How lame.

5:00 – A regeneration potion? I think I know where this is going. (Spoilers: No it’s not, Zecora wouldn’t be that careless)

5:12 – God damn those are big-ass teeth! Can you imagine how dangerous this potion could be if it backfired? I mean, aside from the way it’s obviously going to backfire. (Spoiler: It doesn’t backfire at all)

5:28 – A potion for bad breath? Don’t they have Tic-Tacs in Equestria?

5:43 – “Hmm, if I try to play god on Zecora’s property I can pin it on her and make it look like she poisoned me…”

But really, didn’t Apple Bloom learn that magic can’t grant a cutie mark way back in season one when she tried to get Twilight to do the exact same thing? This kid is dumb as a rock. And not even sentient rocks like Rocky or Tom, but dumb ones like the ones Pinkie Pie’s family farms.

Wait, I just realized something! Livestock are sentient in this universe and rocks are livestock since they’re farmed. Then it only makes sense that rocks can talk! Which means…

…No, that still doesn’t explain why Applejack was farming corn.

6:26 – “It is called a plot device, it makes the story progress nice…-ly”

“Zecora, your rhymes are off today.”

“You may think I’m off my game, but at least I’m still better than Little Wayne.”

“No you’re not.”



“Nicki Minaj?”


“Rick Ross?”

“Rick Ross now or Rick Ross 2006?”

“Rick Ross now.”



“You wish.”


“Oh please.”

“Busta Rhymes.”

“You’re just digging yourself deeper.”

“The Wu-Tang Clan?”

“WHAT!? Don’t you EVER compare yourself to the Wu-Tang! You’re not even REMOTELY close to their level!”

“*sigh* Your words are making me lose my joy. Am I at least better than Soulja Boy?”

“Well of course, Zecora, nopony is as bad as Soulja Boy!”

6:40 – lol Apple Bloom really does think Zecora’s rhymes are lame. Sometimes my jokes are accurate as well as funny Oh who am I kidding, my jokes are never funny T.T

Oh, and it just occurred to me that I could make a joke about Mind’s Desire, but nobody plays it in Vintage since it’s restricted (yet somehow Gush isn’t, go figure).

6:52 – “I must get an ingredient to synthesize, so I’ll leave you here unsupervised.”

“Come back with some better rhymes too!”

“I put a lot of bleach in that cup, so if you do drink it, drink it all up…*whispers*you ungrateful little cracka.”

6:59 – Cue “One-Winged Angel”.

7:04 – That’s not scripted banter, the director didn’t let the little kid voice actors eat until they finished their lines that day and they caught some of the complaining on record.

7:15 – So Apple Bloom’s cutie mark is…a blue ring? Seriously, this thing is so nondescript I can’t even think of a joke for it.

7:34 – Hey, it’s Twist, the hipster pony who we haven’t seen since Season 1! Still wearing those Ray-bans with no lenses and that cutie mark ironically, I see. Now go get a real fucking job you lazy piece of shit! Fucking hipsters…

7:42 – I don’t even have to make a joke about this. The reactions of her classmates do it for me.

7:50 – lol ghetto toys. Did you also use to play with a ball on a string attached to a cup, Apple Bloom?

8:00 – Oh look, it’s these cunts. Unfortunately though, I have to agree with Diamond Tiara – hula hooping is a pretty lame special talent. Then again, Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon’s talents are being stupid spoiled whores (complete with video playset), so who are they to judge?

8:07 – Hers is the hoop that will pierce the heavens! Don’t believe in yourself! Believe in the Applejack who believes in you! WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM!?


8:34 – Cheerilee and Princess Celestia have the same voice actor. Now that I’ve mentioned that, you’re thinking about students being banished to the moon for detention. You’re welcome.

8:42 – And it looks like it’s going to happen right about now.

8:54 – The tip of the tail? Wow, I don’t think there are any actual bones there. That’s pretty damn impressive.

9:02 – You just know that someday Snips and Snails are going to get Darwin awards.

9:09 – You just know that someday Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara are going to be taken hostage and then killed when their parents refuse to pay the terrorists the ransom money.

9:54 – Balancing it on the hairs at the end of her tail? Either the animators don’t know anything about horse anatomy or Apple Bloom is really fucking awesome! And given what we’ve seen previously, it’s probably both!


10:16 – The aeronautical engineer in me is crying.

10:24 – The plot thickens.

10:30 – I know that I promised earlier that I said too many puns and that I would lay up on it, but I’m afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy.

10:37 – “They’re not fake! This is real silicone!” Yeah, I’m bringing up the old jokes about cutie marks being a mixed metaphor for both puberty and vocational guidance because it never stopped being funny.

(I originally watched the episode split up into 2 parts because I couldn’t find a good quality upload that lasted the full 22 minutes, so you can just hold dat shit)

0:27 – “The fun has been doubled”, Doublemint gum, Inception, Xzibit, blah blah blah, you know what jokes I’m going to make.

1:04 – Wow, I thought I was the only one being put to sleep by this episode. I’m glad Rainbow Dash agrees with me.

1:09 – “Hey Twilight, what’s looking like Rarity and clueless?”

1:14 – “YOUR FACE!

1:15 – lol Spike finally showed up, now the real episode can begin.

1:33 – How much crazy bullshit are they going to put in this episode?

1:44 – I sincerely hope that Applejack knew about Apple Bloom’s cutie mark before she saw her display in the middle of town. If not, then it opens up some horrible implications about the truancy regulations of Ponyville Public Schools.

1:54 – I wonder if Big Macintosh is happy for his youngest sister.

1:55 – I was expecting him to say “I really like her mane.”

1:58 – I wonder if Big Macintosh has ever seen anything like this.

2:00 – I was expecting him to say “Dumb fabric.”

2:09 – Granny Smith isn’t saying that she has a Charlie Horse, that was the name of her late husband and since she’s having a near-death experience she’s having hallucinations of him.

2:12 – Big Macintosh is a proud graduate of the Arthur Fonzarelli school of Universal Repair. Eyyyy!

2:34 – I wonder if Big Macintosh is getting tired of these jokes.

2:36 – I was expecting him to say “You’re not sending me to the cooler.”

2:57 – A human tap shoe? Bowling? Applejack farming corn? There’s so much wrong with this world I don’t even know where to begin.

3:16 – So it’s involuntary? That should be the first sign that something is seriously wrong with you, kid. This is why you shouldn’t mess around with drugs.

3:20 – After visiting Pinkie Pie offscreen to no avail, Applejack and Apple Bloom go to see Twilight.

3:32 – “I was just reading something about heavy-handed exposition. What was it?”

“The book about the films of Paul W.S. Anderson, perhaps?”

3:41 – Yeah, Spike is pretty amazing. I’m glad he’s the main character and not the gaggle of idiots that make up the majority of the population of Equestria.

3:44 – “Yes, well, I do have some talents #swag”

3:51 – “Hayfever, the trots, pubic parasprites, syphillies, chlamydia…”

4:00 – Say that ten times fast!

4:06 – Great minds think alike.

4:08 – Great minds are never appreciated in their own time.

4:22 – Oh shit, Apple Bloom really is going to die. Oh well, at least there’s still Spike.

4:36 – Une fleur de lis? Qu’est que ce??

4:37 – Est AppleBloom vais parler en français pour le reste de l’épisode? Devrais-je trop alors…nah, that would be annoying even for me. I’ll have to remember to watch the French dub of this episode when it comes out though to see what language they speak in that.

4:45 – “Mah sister’s speaking in Un-American!”

5:19 – What a lovely sculpture of Fluttershy!

5:21 – Wow, her cutie mark is Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins! Nex thing you know she’ll be hitting on Julie Andrews! Speaking of Julie Andrews, what was that one movie where she got her tits out? I need to watch that sometime.

5:25 – And now it’s the Weird Al Yankovic cutie mark! I can’t wait for her to make a parody of At The Gala!

5:29 – No, Sweetie Belle wanted to tame some other kind of wild cat. I think it was leopards.

5:33 – Bobby Fisher, Gary Kasparov, Deep Blue, etc. who really play chess that much anyway? Looking at their board though, I don’t see how that would be checkmate. Also, shouldn’t she be playing chess the way French people do – by knocking their king over at the beginning and waiting four years for an American player to take over and win the game for you?

5:37 – Shouldn’t she be fencing the way French people do – by attaching a white flag to the end of your rapier?

5:42 – Spike don’t give a fuck.

5:43 – Lily, Roseluck, and Daisy are like the collective Chicken Littles of Ponyville.

5:47 – Hey, she finally got hang gliding down!

5:50 – You tell ’em Spike. Always the voice of reason.

5:57 – But then with ponies like these three you can never keep them calm for long.

6:00 – What an over-exaggerated reaction. Geez, with all the ridiculous running in fear, you’d think this is some kind of cartoon or something.


6:11 – “I was hoping to see all their faces, but I guess they’re all still racists.”

“Now you just sound like Immortal Technique.”

“RHYMING IS HARD OKAY? FUCK! It’s not just about skill, but luck”

“That still doesn’t make sense.”


6:23 – A math cutie mark? I approve. And it looks like she’s deriving the relationship between integration and summation on her own! I’m just so proud of her. I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

6:28 – “But magically you’re here! Was your black person sense tingling?”

“I am disappointed in you guys, believing in these stereotypes.”

“Still sound like Immortal Technique.”

“My rhymes are my own, through and through, so I am just going to ignore you.”

“lol way to take criticism.”

“Your sister suffers from a disease. Can we just go and help her? PLEASE!?”

“Now you’re getting better!”

6:54 – On, NOW she speaks American again.

6:59 – Why does Berry Punch have a hazmat suit? More importantly, why does she only have the head part?

7:12 – “Have no fear, the cure is here! I just need to plant it…it’ll take about a year.”

“A whole year! But what will happen to Apple Bloom and your failing record label?”

“Do not worry about my music, honey. I’m going to get signed by Young Money.”

“You’ve been saying that for years and it still hasn’t happened!”

“Your fears, I think, they hold no sway – they signed Tyga, didn’t they?”

“Yeah, there’s really nobody decent in young money besides Lil Wayne, Nicki Minaj, Drake, and T-Pain.”

7:44 – Do I even want to know?


7:53 – Oh, I guess she does have the whole suit.

7:57 – Pinkie Pie was evicted from Sugarcube Corner after the events of this episode for embezzling product.

8:39 – Berry Punch took the suit off? And left her house? What?

9:04 – What Apple Bloom meant to say was “I’ve never been happy to be a blank flank.”

9:36 – Cue Batman music.

9:39 – “I sure would love to, Twilight, but I don’t know how to read and write.”

9:46 – “Let’s get this over with so I can go back to flaming Zecora’s album on Equestria Star Hip Hop.”

9:48 – “Dear Princess Celestia. Today I learned that breast implants are not appropriate for ten year olds. I also learned that Zecora hasn’t made any good albums since The Zecora Show and that she let all the fame, money, and critical reception from 8-Forest go to her head, started smoking a lot of pot, and just generally got really lazy with her songwriting. ‘Crack a Potion’ wasn’t that good of a song, and Z12 is just a farce. Maybe if she stops doing drugs and gets back to the kind of intelligence, flow, and lyrical savvy that she had on her first 3 albums she can make a good album again, but that seems unlikely. Dis yo homefilly Apple Bloom peacin out, protect ya neck.”

10:36 – CUTIE MARK CRUSADER CRACK FIENDS! This episode is hella gangsta.

10:55+ – Wow, 3D Strawberry Shortcake. Reminds me of a certain webcomic…

Let me start off this review by telling you a little story about another character in this series and my opinions of her. For almost all of season one, I couldn’t stand Pinkie Pie. I thought she was stupid, hyperactive, annoying, and just a real pain in the ass overall. Her popularity with the rest of the fanbase didn’t sit well with me since I was in the minority on this (and I was already in the minority for being one of a small group of people who realize that Spike is the true main character of the show, but that’s besides the point). I dreaded episodes with Pinkie Pie and hoped she’d be given minor roles for the rest of the seasons. Then I saw Party of One. Party of One, to me, turned Pinkie Pie from a one-dimensional comic relief character to a sympathetic, emotionally delicate character. Despite having a seemingly carefree attitude, Pinkie Pie’s ego is very heavily weighted on what others think of her, especially her friends, to the point where if she feels like the people she cares about are abandoning her she has a complete mental breakdown. And even though this scene is supposed to be played for comedy, I still find it to be one of the saddest and most emotionally engaging in the series. Party of One did the impossible, completely turned-around my opinion of my least favorite character at the time in just one episode.

This episode…didn’t really change my opinion of Apple Bloom that much.

I feel like this episode was planned out to be like Apple Bloom’s Party of One but really it ended up re-treading what we already saw in Call of the Cutie. We can see the parallels between the two episodes as well – both start out with our protagonist and her friends, both have their self-esteem tied to something that they either lose or never had to begin with, both have the protagonist get separated from her friends and rethink their lives, both have the protagonist encounter a minority character and during the encounter experience a change that affects them for the rest of the episode, both go through a lot of physical comedy gags (though Apple Bloom definitely has more), and both end up having learned a lesson even though in the long run we know they didn’t since those lessons conflict with the core of their characters. But the problem with this episode is that we already knew everything that was displayed about Apple Bloom’s character. Party of One showed us a side of Pinkie Pie that we had never seen before – a sensitive, fearful, bitter, and even angry Pinkie Pie. This episode just shows us the same Apple Bloom we’ve seen before. We know that Apple Bloom is desperate to earn her Cutie Mark, we know that she’s an opportunist, we know that she doesn’t think things through because she’s so headstrong, and we know that this can get her into dangerous situations. We’ve seen all of this before time after time and seeing it again adds nothing to her character. I didn’t exactly write a glowing review of Sisterhooves Social, but I feel like I should give it more credit now since it explores a side of Rarity and Sweetie Belle that we’ve never seen before. I know I say that character studies are the show’s strength just about every week, but if you’re not going to use that as an opportunity to explore new parts of your characters then it’s just kinda…meh.

I know it seems like I’m harping on this point, but that’s just because Apple Bloom had the lion’s share (MOAR LIKE THE LION TAMER’S SHARE AMIRITE?) of screen time in this episode. Almost none of the Mane 6 are present except for Applejack, who is obviously going to appear in episodes about her sister, and Twilight, who is obviously going to appear in episodes about supernatural occurrences. Rarity has like one line in the whole episode, Pinkie Pie only shows up for a bit joke, Rainbow Dash essentially doesn’t have a speaking role, and Fluttershy doesn’t appear at all (in fact, Fluttershy hasn’t made any memorable appearances in Season 2 aside from that one time). The supporting cast isn’t very well utilized either – Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Zecora are pretty much their same old selves and they don’t really get much in the way of character development (although apparently Zecora likes to pull a Batman and disappear on people). And as far as minor characters go, it was kinda funny to see Lily, Daisy, and Roseluck freaking out again, but the fact that we had to put up with Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara again really drags it down.

Now I know I cited this as a point against last week’s episode too so I know what you’re going to say – “Gates, not every episode has to have the entire main cast in it to be a good episode and stop making those rude jokes about my mother.” And my response to that is:

1) Who’s joking? The fellatio your mother gives is unparalleled in quality and her flexibility allows for sexual positions I never thought humanly possible (I really like the one where she bends her leg all the way back behind her shoulder and then bends her knee backwards like a chicken to wrap her foot all the way back down by her pussy so she can give my balls a foot job while I’m fucking her)

2) I’m aware that not every episode needs to have equal screen time for each of the main characters, but if you only have one or two of them doing anything significant, it really does feel like kind of a waste.

On a technical level, this episode is pretty standard. The animation is solid and quite remarkable at some points, but there are still some goofs. The Big Lebowski reference was a nice touch and I really liked it, even though it still makes no sense for ponies to be bowling. I guess you could say that if anything I think the animation is the high point of this episode.

Overall, this episode is, as I said earlier, meh. It doesn’t really do anything incredibly exciting or engaging and it just kind of treads ground we’ve covered before. It’s definitely not the worst episode (that belongs to the Spike character assassination episode) but it’s not a particularly good one either. In the end, this episode just isn’t as good as tonguing another man’s balls.

I mean as the rest.

I’m not gay.

And I’m not stealing jokes from Yahtzee either.

Still, it could have been a lot worse and at least it gave us some fun physical comedy along with a reference to one of the greatest comedies of the 90s. I’m looking forward to next week a lot more since it explores Rainbow Dash’s character. And also, less than a month from now Spike gets another episode. mfw.

By the way, if you’re wondering why Apple Bloom likes the Wu-Tang Clan so much, it’s because one day the Cutie Mark Crusaders tried to get their cutie marks in gangsta rap and did a cover of Enter the 36 Chambers entitled Enter the 36 Stables. The recordings were destroyed later that day when they tried to get their cutie marks in arson, but a transcript of one of their songs was found, which I will post below.

Cutie Mark Crusaders Ain’t Nuthin’ Ta Buck Wit

[Intro: The BZA aka Apple Digital aka Tha Ever So Weary Assistant]

Tiger taming

Tiger taming

Yo, huh, huh

Cutie Mark Crusaders Ain’t Nuthin Ta Buck Wit

Cutie Mark Crusaders Ain’t Nuthin Ta Buck Wit

Cutie Mark Crusaders Ain’t Nuthin Ta Buck Wit

There’s no place to hide once I step inside the room

Apple Bloom, prepare for the boom


Aw, MAN!

I SLAM, JAM, now scream like Tarzan

[Verse One: BZA]

I be broodin, intrudin, my style is crude

I’m causin more fanbase feuds than Derpy Hooves

And the muffin said — ya dead

Fatal flying bowling ball blows off your buckin head

BZA who was that? Ayo, the Cute is back

Makin filliez go “WHOA WHOA!”, like Rarity’s cat

We fear no-one, oh no, here come

The cutie mark shogun, killer to the eardrum!

[Verse Two: Inspectah Scoot aka The Rebel Pegasus aka My Cousin the Wife-Beatah]

I puts the scooter to the road, I gets gold

And I’m forced to buck em up

I run em over like a pickup truck

Across the clear blue yonder

Seek the Pony Sea, I slam tracks like buffalo sacks from A.P.

Now why try and test, the Rebel Pegasus?

Blessed since the birth, I earth-slam your best

Cause Pinkie bake the cake, then we take the cake

And eat it, too, with my crew while we run out the state!

[Chorus: BZA]

And if you want apples, bring the ruckus

Cutie Mark Crusaders ain’t nuthin ta buck with

Straight from the motherbucking farms that’s busted

Cutie Mark Crusaders ain’t nuthin ta buck with

[Interlude: BZA]


Step up, pony!


Chop his head off, Belle!

[Verse Three: Method Belle aka The Victorian Cow]

The Belle will come out tomorrow,

Styles, is wild, berserk, bizarro

Flow, with more afro than Rollo

Comin to a fork in the road which way to go just follow

Sweetie, the Legend, filliez is Sleepy Hollow

In fact I’m a hard act to follow

I dealt for dodos, cutie marks comin on through

Filliez is like “Oh, my God, not you!”

Yes, I, come to get a slice of the pink and the pie

Rather cute than cry, check my

Flava, comin from the BZA

Which is short for the grazer

Who make me reminisce true like Deja, Vu!

I’m rubber, filliez is like glue

Whatever you say rubs off me sticks to you

[Chorus: BZA]

And if you want apples, bring the ruckus

Cutie Mark Crusaders ain’t nuthin ta buck with

Straight from the motherbucking farms that’s busted

Cutie Mark Crusaders ain’t nuthin ta buck with


Ahh-hah! Yeah

Representin Ponyville

Carousel Boutique, Sweet Apple Acres

The Rugged Lands of Shaolin

Filliez from Appaloosa, Manehattan

Our boys in Cloudsdale

Comin through with the crazy apple-sized hail

[unintelligible outro continues and is largely incoherent]

Cutie Mark slang, choppin heads pony

It ain’t safe no more!


It’s a wonder why their rap careers didn’t take off.

(ODB is rolling in his grave right now)

Play-By-Play: Sisterhooves Social

In these little play-by-plays I watch an episode and as it goes on I make commentary on it. It’s kind of like a Riff Track only there’s no time limit on jokes based on the progression of what you’re watching. And of course be aware that this commentary will contain MAJOR SPOILERS.

So after Rarity being conspicuously absent from Luna Eclipsed and Sweetie Belle not having any speaking lines in that same episode (no seriously who the hell is this Pip kid and why is he stealing the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ screen time?), they finally get their own episode exploring the relationship between the two of them. Will Rarity stop neglecting her little sister? Will Sweetie Belle stop being so annoying? Will either of them have a song? The answers to these questions will be revealed…

…right now. No, no, and probably.

Here’s the embed.

0:21 – Wow, Rarity is too lazy to a) wake up before her sister and make breakfast for her and b) at least teach Sweetie Belle how to make breakfast for herself without burning the house down.

0:30 – “You ruined the surprise! I was gonna burn the house down and make it look like an accident so we could collect the insurance money and become rich!”

0:37 – We’re going to the intro already? Well that was quick. No seriously, I think this is come kind of record for this show.

1:15 – Who are the Guido tourists sitting at that table?

1:20 – You’re kidding. Rarity’s parents are white trash? This is too funny to put into words.

1:31 – That’s not very surprising. I’ve burnt soup before. Long story.

1:50 – Melted toast. I am actually applauding Sweetie Belle right now because that’s just too amazing to be shocked or surprised at.

2:21 – How did she carry all that? Did her unicorn telekinesis finally manifest itself?

2:50 – Ah, cereal. The breakfast of lazy people since 1863.

3:08 – Who puts eggs in cereal? I guess you shouldn’t eat anything that people in this family cook.

3:24 – And of course perfectionist Rarity thinks putting parsley on eggs is a huge deal.

3:33 – For god’s sake, just use your magic.

3:58 – Hey Sweetie Belle, hold dat.

4:34 – More great faces. I hope everyone’s reaction image folder is happy about season 2.

4:55 – And your gif folder too.

5:10 – “I never got in trouble for drawing! Except for that one time Rarity found out about my Rule 34…”

5:18 – “I never got in trouble for stealing!”

5:35 – If they’re so important and you need them for a client, why didn’t you put them somewhere secure? Like in the aforementioned workroom? And if this client is so important, why aren’t you working on that dress right now?

6:20 – Well, if episode 18 is any indication, no, you can’t do anything right.

6:55 – “Organized chaos”? Artists…

7:25 – Between this and Lesson Zero, there seems to be a lot of teeth grinding going on in MLP.

7:38 – Hey, it’s Apple Bloom with a flyer for the…”Sihovi Ivcioccrlo”? Sounds like some kind of cult.

7:56 – Well when you describe it like that, it sounds like it’s totally something Sweetie Belle could fuck up.

8:04 – 3, 2, 1…

8:07 – Bingo.

8:40 – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uy0YN5qFsd4

10:31 – Ouch. That’s probably the unicorn equivalent of being punched in the groin.

If you’re wondering why I’m not commenting on this part much, it’s because there’s really not much to say. Applejack and Apple Bloom have a pretty healthy relationship and it’s pretty much how siblings who are on good terms with each other act. And since this is a kids show we can expect Rarity and Sweetie Belle to pretty much act like this at the end of the episode. I guess if I had to comment on anything it would be that I’m a bit surprised that there hasn’t been a song yet. Usually the songs are in the first half of the episode, and the fact that there hasn’t been one yet is kind of surprising.

10:45 – Rarity, who are you talking to? Opal?

11:15 – Is Applejack making wine? Oh god, she is an alcoholic. And since when does she grow grapes as well as apples? And why was she farming corn in S2E1?

11:42 – “How do you like them grapes?” Well at least she’s not making apple puns.

12:18 – Is this going to continue for everything Sweetie Belle fucked up? Like with the melted toast and stuff?

12:19 – And she also farms livestock? Does the Apple family have some sort of monopoly on agriculture in Ponyville?

12:29 – “Wow, it’s as if they have a healthy relationship with each other instead of one that’s borderline abusive.”

12:35 – And sheep are sentient too. Should I even go into the ethics of farming another sentient being?

12:56 – I have to admit, that is pretty sweet.

13:21 – Wow, Celestia really is worshiped as a god by ponies in Equestria. I guess she is over a thousand years old and controls the sun though.

14:04 – Kid, that’s not how adoption works.

14:45 – Yeah, Sweetie Belle needs to be taught how to beautify her mane because she has horrible taste. I mean she really liked Smarty Pants’ mane.

15:15 – A little early for the moral, don’t you think?

15:35 – Applejack went to the Forrest Gump school of similes. As well as the Forrest Gump school of everything else.

16:07 – So I guess Berry Punch’s sister is that blue filly from last episode.

16:18 – And Carrot Top’s sister is the green one. It’s also impressive how those two unicorns were able to go from winning the pie eating contest to winning the pig contest in 10 seconds flat. I guess Twilight isn’t the only pony who can teleport in Ponyville.

16:20 – Good god, Sweetie Belle, stop obsessing over Rarity, you’re being a killjoy. That was a good impression of Rarity though.

16:48 – I do like how they cut to a background of apples instead of just a generic primary colors action lines background.

16:49 – If you think about going over one day, your cutie mark won’t be the only thing you’ll have to find.

16:55 – It’s funny because old people don’t understand technology! Even though most pioneering computer scientists and engineers are now in their 50s and 60s.

17:21 – Before you ask, that’s not Derpy. Derpy has a lighter colored mane and a different cutie mark.

17:31 – Starting to get creepy, Apple Bloom.

17:51 – I thought Applejack’s eyes were green. FORESHADOWING.

18:07 – I didn’t realize horses could bend their hooves like that.

19:14 – Well that was unexpected. Hooray Berry Punch! That was a great comeback after totally screwing up on the chicken coop part!

19:28 – WHAT A TWIST!

19:58 – Actually, Apple Bloom, technically they still haven’t finished. They completed all the obstacles but they didn’t cross the finish line.

20:33 – I really like her mane! Sweetie Belle’s that is, Rarity’s looks like something a 5 year old would do to torture a Barbie doll. Oh, and Spike finally showed up so now the REAL episode can begin!

20:44 – Hey, Rarity learned the montage spell from Twilight!

20:49 – How do the ponies have an electric smoke alarm?

21:14 – “Alright look, I’m running out of ink, Twilight has more checklists to do, the main oven at Sugarcube Corner is broken and Mrs. Cake asked me to fill in so I’ll have to deal with Pinkie Pie for the rest of the day, I’m tired, my scales itch, I’m getting a claw cramp, and Rarity said she’d blow me. So can we PLEASE hurry this up?”

21:25 – Aww, and the birds learned about sibling love too. Even though they’re probably a different species. It’s also interesting to note that these birds got more screen time than 4 of the main characters combined.

So it seems that now we’re finally getting back into the routine of doing slice-of-life character studies and focusing on the interaction between characters as the main topics for episodes. This is what worked well in season 1 and in season 2 it seems to be going swimmingly. This episode in particular is a good showcasing of some of the show’s best attributes – characters personalities really shine through, they behave the way you’d expect real people to, and the moral is integral to the plot instead of just tacked on at the end.

That said, this episode is definitely not perfect. It’s a solid episode overall, but there are few things that could have been improved. The animation is solid but there are a few hangups that keep it from reaching its full potential, most notably the continuity errors near the end. The music was good, but not having Rarity and Sweetie Belle do a song seems like squandered potential. And finally, there’s the small issue that this episode had 4 of the main characters absent. This is odd to say the least, but there wouldn’t be any way for them to fit in the episode without being shoehorned in. Pinkie Pie is the only one of the 4 absent ponies who had siblings, and they were only seen in one flashback, and Pinkie Pie is insane meaning that her stories are unreliable, so their status in canon is dubious. Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy are all the only children in their families (for all we know) so it just wouldn’t make any sense for them to appear here. Rarity and Sweetie Belle’s parents also seem like a red herring since they’re only in one scene and don’t leave much of an impact. We really don’t get to know anything about them other than the fact that they look like white trash.

But despite these flaws, it’s still a solid episode. I just wonder if these will be lasting changes or if Rarity will end up going back to being a neglectful sister like before.