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Monthly Archives: September 2011

Play-By-Play: The Return of Harmony Part 2

In these little play-by-plays I watch an episode and as it goes on I make commentary on it. It’s kind of like a Riff Track only there’s no time limit on jokes based on the progression of what you’re watching. And of course be aware that this commentary will contain MAJOR SPOILERS.

This is part 2 of a two-part episode. If you haven’t seen my play-by-play of part 1 yet, click here.

Let’s get started!

0:00 – LAST TIME ON DRAGONBALL Z! Goku and the gang encountered the stange and powerful Majin Buu! With his reality-warping magic powers and his great strength, he quickly defeated the Z warriors and went on a rampage around the rest of the Earth. Will Goku and the gang be able to stop the rampage of this monster? Find out on this episode of DRAGONBALL Z! Cha la, head cha la…

1:15 – rofl

1:23 – Oh, NOW Pinkie doesn’t like Discord.

1:55 – Rarity uses her horse-style kung fu. Is there a horse-style of kung fu? Well whatever, point is that all the ponies are being bitches to eachother.

2:04 – Where’d he get that couch and that popcorn? And why was Applejack farming corn?

2:23 – I had the same reaction as Discord. For someone who spends all her free time reading books, Twilight isn’t very perceptive.

2:31 – Whoa, astral projection!

3:00 – I made a Chocolate Rain joke last time, not gonna do it again.

3:01 – Pinkie Pie hating chocolate milk rain? THE END IS NEIGH!

3:26 – What the hell happened to Ponyville while they were away!?

3:40 – You know something’s wrong with Fluttershy when she praises her asshole pet rabbit for being an asshole.

3:46 – Hey, Applejack isn’t lying, she’s just being sarcastic! I call bullshit.

3:57 – Twilight, you can teleport. Why don’t you just do that to get to solid ground?

4:00 – Soap? Is that what it is? And it’s funny how he’s just skating along next to them like a pimp.

4:39 – “Not if I have anything to say about it!” Man, I wish I could come up with a joke for that.

4:41 – “Don’t worry, you won’t.” Nah, that’s lame. Thanks for trying though, Fluttershy.

4:46 – So if they all hate each other, why are they still walking around together?

4:55 – They seem to be getting worse. Interesting way of showing it.

5:19 – “Tom”? Well, Rarity, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.

5:36 – I bet you thought Spike was sleeping because he was being lazy. This is not the case. Clearly, Discord put a sleeping spell on him. Spike would never sleep when there are gems to eat, bitches to fuck, and blunts to smoke cause he’s a bad motherfucker like that.

6:11 – OH SNAP!

6:32 – Hey, they used the same book here that they did in season 1 episode 1! I guess these writers do know what continuity is after all! Now if only they would explain why Applejack was farming corn…

6:50 – Twilight, just use your magic to telekinetically catch the book in midair. Jean Grey is probably rolling in her grave right now. Or being a balance issue in MvC3. There’s very little difference.

6:52 – OH SHIT! TACKLE THAT BITCH SPIKE! That’s what you get for interrupting his sleep, bitch!

6:56 – Stealing random shit that she sees? Wow, Rarity really is an Orange Lantern.

7:17 – And here we’ll take a brief break from our regular program to show you a preview of fan-developed fighting game My Little Pony: Fighting Is Magic.

7:23 – Wait, Applejack and Pinkie didn’t have the book, so how did Twilight come out of that fight with them holding the book? I mean I know that Discord punched the Source Wall and altered reality, but there’s only so many plot holes that can cover.


7:29 – “AND I’M GONNA READ IT!” Really? That’s it? How anticlimactic.

7:37 – Whoa! They were in the book! How convenient!

7:56 – “You don’t even care, do you?” No, Twilight, nobody cares about your gaming blog. Especially after you said that Tokido would top8 at Evo.

7:59 – “I never thought it would happen. My friends…have turned into complete jerks!” My friends have always been jerks, so I can’t sympathize.

8:09 – It’s called a tiara, Twilight. You should know, your doll comes with one. (NOTE: If it doesn’t, don’t tell me about it, I don’t care).

8:23 – Now, I have a number of jokes written here and I would like to read them now:

  • Spike just got 20% cooler!
  • But Spike’s male, how can he be a lesbian?
  • Spike is gonna be so awesome! /)^ɛ^(\
  • Oh no, that means…Spike, don’t eat any of Pinkie’s cupcakes!
  • According to shippers, Applebloom had a crush on Spike, and I guess now that he’s Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo has a crush on him too!
  • Now they’ll stop Discord in ten seconds flat!

These go on for several pages, but I’ll stop here.

8:34 – “…so we don’t ever have to talk to eachother again!” Whoa, kinda extreme don’t you think? I mean you all still live in the same town.

8:39 – And they cheer that? Damn, girls are catty as hell.

8:47 – Heeeeeeeeeere’s Tommy!

9:09 – So he wants to die with sunglasses on? What?

9:49 – Poor Twilight, she couldn’t get it up. Good thing I never have that problem.

9:57 – Yup, saw that one coming. Hell, I figured Larfleeze Rarity would have stolen the elements as soon as she saw them in the book.

10:06 – Nice, she set up a joke about Spike being Rainbow Dash on her own! I kinda like this new Fluttershy.

10:17 – “Discord rules, Celestia drools!” Man, the 90s sure were radical, dude.

10:44 – “I don’t need you guys either! I’ll make my own Elements of Harmony! With blackjack! And hookers! In fact, forget the Elements of Harmony!”

10:48 – “Ah, screw the whole thing.”

10:50 – Wow, and now Twilight has lost her color. Wait, since her element is magic, does that mean she’s lost her magic power too? And why was Applejack farming corn?

10:55 – Subtle.

11:00 – OH MAN, BALLERINA BISON! Good thing there wasn’t a really depressing moment before that or else this would seem to conflict with the tone!

11:07 – I’m sure there will be a name for the beanie hat pony soon enough. Hell, this episode’s been out for a few hours already, so there may even be porn of her.

11:20 – Pepper on berry punch? That would taste terrible.

11:26 – Good, Twilight, ignore the troll.

11:53 – Whoa, is she going back to Canterlot?

11:57 – Oh, no she has no idea. How uncharacteristic of Twilight to not have a plan. But I suppose that’s the point of being grayed-out. Oh, and she didn’t lose her magic.

12:03 – Holy shit, Spike vomited up his own weight in scrolls! And then some!

12:17 – If those are all the letters you’ve written to her, shouldn’t there only be about 24? I mean, I guess there was that one prank Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash pulled on Spike, but there shouldn’t be more than 30 scrolls.

12:52 – “Twilight, could you please put me down? I think I’m gonna be sick.”

13:11 – Wow, Spike looks like he’s about to die. Maybe you should get him some medical attention before you go off on a fruitless quest to help your friends, Twilight.

13:37 – Hey, pigs are flying. I guess this means the Detroit Lions are going to win the Superbowl this year!

13:39 – Okay, Big Mac and Granny Smith have gone insane.

14:00 – Big Mac licks Twilight? Yeah, I’ve read that slashfic too.

14:13 – Wow, Twilight learned the Season 1 montage spell!

14:49 – Speaking of montages…

15:09 – “Let us never speak of this again.” And the DCnU made it so that Rarity was never an Orange Lantern!

15:32 – So nopony found Rainbow Dash in her house, but Pinkie Pie saw her lounging around on a nearby cloud? Man these ponies are dense.

15:47 – “I’m staying here in Cloudsdale where everything is SO AWESOME!” /)^ɛ^(\

15:56 – And Applejack has knowledge of the pre-Flashpoint DCU. Would that make her Superboy Prime? God I hope not.

16:00 – “I thought we agreed that the retcon was permanent and we weren’t going to renege on it this time.”

16:04 – I was wondering if they were going to bust out the blimp to save Rainbow Dash.

16:11 – So this plan involves Fluttershy physically overpowering something larger than a bunny? WHAT COULD GO WRONG?

16:25 – Oh boy, dirty comments incoming.

16:45 – So this is where that promotional image came from.

17:05 – Hahahaha, they might die because of Pinkie’s carelessness.

17:17 – “If you can’t catch her, Celestia’s animals won’t hang out with you!”

18:00 – So how come it’s not explained why she thought Cloudsdale was in trouble but when they met her everything was “awesome”?

18:09 – I will never get tired of seeing the Ballet Buffalo.

18:38 – Heh, he drank the glass. That’s kinda funny.

18:40 – lol random explosion, shoutouts to Michael Bay.

18:57 – Whoa, Twilight actually using her powers to be useful! That’s a first for these episodes.

19:08 – “I’ll tell you what we’ve learned, Discord.” So that’s how they’re going to fit the friendship report into this episode.

19:17 – “Ugh, gag.” My thoughts exactly.

19:31 – Oh Pinkie Pie, you’re always trying to cockblock the action.

19:39 – Okay, the way they defeat Discord was pretty badass. Moments like this are the reason I got into this series in the first place.

20:40 – DERPY!

21:16 – I wasn’t aware that stained glass windows could be made so quickly.

21:26 – Oh cool, custom credits music because this is the first big story of the new season!

21:31 – And a commercial for another show on The Hub cuts it off!? What a load of shit. And WHY WAS APPLEJACK FARMING CORN!?

Now like the last episode, this episode is not without its faults. There were a lot of things introduced to the plot in part 1 that were ignored here. Rainbow Dash thought Cloudsdale was under attack in part 1, but in part 2 she acts like everything’s fine. What happened there? Where was Princess Celestia (and Princess Luna for that matter) during all this? What happened to the Cutie Mark Crusaders? Why was Applejack farming corn? None of these questions are answered and it kind of bugs me that they were just forgotten about like this. The episode also isn’t very character driven, as we only get a tiny glimpse of what the ponies are like before they get turned into their evil forms. This makes it a poor episode to start with for people who are just jumping onto the series, which I’m sure many might be because of all the hype around the new season. Maybe this could have been solved by making it a three-part episode, but that would seem a bit excessive.

Despite these flaws, the first two episodes of season two set a good tone for the direction of the show. The animation is good and the writing is solid. Everyone is in character and their grayed-out forms are like mirror universe versions of themselves. The villain is interesting and well-written and the way they defeat him is cool. It was also great how they referenced the events of season 1, but at the same time they should have paid more attention to those events to avoid creating any plot holes. Still, this is a solid episode. Not the best and not a good jumping-on point, but still very solid. When Lauren Faust demoted herself (or whatever) from being executive producer to creative consultant, many were worried that the quality of the show would decrease. If this episode is any indication of the quality we can expect in the future, then I’m not worried about the show getting worse at all. These were good episodes and I’m looking forward to more.

No, seriously though, why was Applejack farming corn? I still haven’t gotten an answer for that.


Play-By-Play: The Return of Harmony Part 1

It’s no secret (or at least it won’t be after this) that I am a huge fan of the recent hit animated show, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The writing, the characters, the animation, the sound, all combine to create one of the best shows I’ve seen in years, and something that you can enjoy if you’re a young girl or a 16-25 year old male. I could go on and on about it but the short version of it is that I just really enjoy the show. Needless to say, I’ve been really looking forward to season 2, the first of which I’ll be talking about today.

Now let me explain how this is going to work. In these little play-by-plays I watch an episode and as it goes on I make commentary on it. It’s kind of like a Riff Track only there’s no time limit on jokes based on the progression of what you’re watching. Once we get into it more, you’ll probably start to get it.

And of course be aware that this commentary will contain MAJOR SPOILERS.

Now let’s begin!

0:06 – The episode starts with Cheerilee taking the Cutie Mark Crusaders on a field trip. Great, the most annoying characters get screen time first.

0:25 – “Victory-ful”? That’s not a word!

0:26 – “That’s not a word!” Hey I just said that you little bitch!

0:28 – “What are you a dictionary?” Oh boy, another memetic mutation to put on the pile. Expect to see photoshops and drawing of “Sweetie Belle’s Dictionary of the English Language” on ponychan, Equestria Daily, ponibooru, etc. by the end of the day.

0:48 – “What do you suppose that represents?” Well obviously it was made in protest of the war in the Middle East. But seriously, what kind of elementary school teacher asks their students questions about artistic meaning? I mean I know about Bloom’s Taxonomy and stuff, but this is going a bit too far.

0:53 – “It’s not chaos you dodo.” So now Scootaloo is a dodo instead of a chicken. Remember back when she was just a pegasus?

1:03 – Cheerilee, your students are fighting around a bunch of priceless sculptures that are probably part of Princess Celestia’s private collection. Shouldn’t you like, and this idea may be pretty far out there but just bear with me on this one, FUCKING STOP THEM!? Where did Cheerilee get her teaching degree anyway? Through a correspondence course?

1:07 – And now the statue’s heart is beating. It’s as if that isn’t a statue at all! **gasp** I would be so shocked if I hadn’t already watched all the previews for this episode!

1:12 – Oh sure, tell them their answers are all correct AFTER they’ve been kicking the shit out of eachother for ten seconds.

1:24 – Heh, making them write an essay as punishment. Nice, but again, these ponies are in elementary school. They probably can’t write complete sentences yet.

1:34 – How are they still arguing about it when their teacher JUST TOLD THEM WHAT IT WAS? Kids these days are so dumb.

1:36 – Okay, that laughter was pretty fucking evil. But we can’t hear more of it because we have to watch the intro.

2:12 – Developed for Television by Lauren Faust…who is no longer a regular part of the production of this show.

2:29 – Rainbow Dash covered in something sticky? I think we all know what’s going to be photoshopped in this image.

2:47 – So why exactly is APPLEjack growing corn? Is anyone going to answer that?

2:56 – Chocolate Milk Rain, Some stay while others feel the pain, Chocolate Milk Rain…

3:09 – And of course Pinkie Pie enjoys all the crazy shit happening. She represents the element of schizophrenia.

3:20 – Oh Rarity, you’re such a useless bitch.

3:33 – WHAT THE FUCK ANGEL IS A GIRAFFE. Someone’s going to photoshop a real life version of this and it’s going to give me nightmares for years.

3:43 – “Don’t worry everyone, I’ve learned a new spell that’ll fix everything!” Is it the spell to bring back Lauren Faust as Executive Producer?

3:54 – Don’t be sad Twilight, at least it looked cool.

5:00 – Okay, that was a pretty good plan on Twilight’s part. Spike totally wasn’t listening to her though because apparently his indegestion got worse over the 4 months between seasons.

5:23 – “We came as fast as we could.” kyrospawn is going to post that as a reaction vid and people are going to make dirty comments on it.

6:57 – Wow, that was a pretty epic speech that explained a lot about the continuity of the show and set up a lot for the episode!

7:00 – …And of course, Pinkie Pie has to fuck everything up.

7:04 – Already did a Chocolate Rain  joke, moving on.

7:10 – “Don’t listen to Pinkie Pie, princess, she just needs to take her meds.”

7:12 – Whoa, spicy insertion.

7:28 – Hahahaha, the world is ending and Rarity is greedy. Isn’t that hilarious? (Protip: No it isn’t)

7:36 – “I have total confidence that you will be able to defeat Discord with DEEZ NUTS!”

7:46 – I’m still waiting for someone to punch Pinkie Pie in the face and remind her what the stakes are.

7:49 – Hey wait, Pinkie Pie just left, how’d she get back so fast? CONTINUITY!

9:05 – Okay, Discord is making a pretty cool first appearance as a villain, but him naming the ponies and the elements they represent is a tiny bit hamfisted. Still, it’s pretty awesome.

Another fun fact is that Discord is voiced by John de Lancie, an actor who is most famous for playing Q from several Star Trek series starting in TNG. I find it amusing that someone who previously played an all-powerful trickster is once again playing an all-powerful trickster. I just hope he’s not getting typecast.

9:31 – Okay, I gotta hand it to Pinkie, Discord Moonwalking on Twilight’s head is pretty funny.

10:14 – “My little ponies!” Hey, just like that one show that I can’t remember the name of! I think it was called…Sex and the City.

11:14 – So Discord is banning magic, but one of the Elements of Harmony is magic. Isn’t that a little unfair?

11:46 – Okay, that was pretty clever timing about how to get them separated. I’m sure it’s mostly a plot device though.

12:03 – And of course, Fluttershy has a panic attack. Cause you know, it’s not like she FACED DOWN A FUCKING DRAGON IN SEASON ONE or anything.

12:16 – No Applejack, don’t go towards the light! Oh, and why were you growing corn earlier? I still haven’t heard an answer for that.

12:37 – Okay, if I was a little girl, talking piles of apples would probably freak me the fuck out.


(I should note now that I was watching this episode originally on someone’s channel who split it into two parts. This is where the second video begins, so I’ll record the timer that way. I’ll try to edit this post later to make it more accurate for people watching the episode in one piece.)

0:14 – Applejack already knows a lot about lying. Hasn’t Discord seen S1E25 Party of One? Well, I guess he was trapped in stone at the time.

0:42 – “Come on Twilight, Applejack wouldn’t lie!” …has anypony seen Party of One?

0:43 – Speaking of Pinkie Pie…

1:22 – “Your friends laugh at you all the time.” Can’t argue with that.

1:55 – I thought she was going to turn into Pinkamena. I’m disappointed.

2:16 – So Applejack is lying compulsively? Isn’t that a bit excessive? And why was she farming corn?

3:11 – I suppose ravenous greed is the opposite of selfless generosity, but isn’t this a bit of an obtuse way to show it?

3:28 – How is the going to carry that huge diamond without her unicorn telekinesis?


3:39 – OH MY GOD A GIANT ROCK! Why does Rarity make me want to quote Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged so much?

4:42 – Nice self-confidence there Fluttershy.

4:55 – Wow, Fluttershy is totally shutting down Discord. Typical Fluttershy, talking the villain to death. LIKE A BOSS.

5:01 – If he could hypnotize them by touching them, why didn’t he just do that with everypony?

5:27 – Wow, Bitchyshy is pretty intense.

5:44 – “I know where you live.” Twilight’s home is the Ponyville library, everypony knows where she lives.

6:34 – Is that Derpy Hooves?

6:46 – So now we see Discord’s real motivation for confiscating everypony’s wings and horns – so that he could bribe them!

6:57 – How did Twilight get stuck carrying the rock by herself? I thought greedy Rarity wouldn’t let anyone but her carry the giant rock gem? Of course, if Spike had more than 3 lines in this episode, we know that Rarity would exploit his infatuation with her to get him to carry it.

7:12 – If he knew Rainbow Dash was going to leave the game to go to Cloudsdale, why didn’t he go to her first?

7:50 – Wow, Discord’s in the position to rule all of Equestria! He’s left the ponies completely trapped and they’re in no position to fight back! What is he going to do now? How will the ponies fight back? Why was Applejack farming corn? I wonder what’s going to happen next!

7:52 – “To be continued…” MOTHERFUCKER!

8:00 on – Wow, Hasbro is making game shows out of board games now? There really isn’t anything else worth watching on The Hub.

So that was the first episode of Season 2, The Return of Harmony. My final thoughts are that it was a good episode but not a great one. The episode does a good job of setting up the next one as well as giving the viewer the history of the characters in the show, but fails to neglect some previously established plot inconsistencies and sometimes over-exaggerates character traits, both while the ponies are hypnotized and when they aren’t. This is most noticeable in Applejack, who lied several times in season one and apparently became a compulsive liar (and a very poor one at that) in this episode. There are also several plot points that are introduced and dropped – What happened to the Cutie Mark Crusaders and their classmates? And what was Spike doing the whole time?

One of the real strengths of this episode is the villain though. Discord is a lot better done as a villain that I expected, even though he doesn’t seem to have any real motivation other than that he’s had blue balls for thousands of years and just wants to get out of his stone prison and fuck shit up, which I guess could be a lot worse. Discord also isn’t that good at planning out his villainous exploits, as he could have just hypnotized everypony with a touch and then made Rainbow Dash disqualify herself within the first ten seconds with his godlike powers. I guess it could be interpreted that Discord’s character has a degree of sadism and that he likes to toy with his victims and completely demoralize them before he can feel like he’s really achieved something, but in the 14 minutes of screen time he’s had (not counting when he was a statue) there hasn’t been much to suggest that. Discord really reminds me of Jack Nicholson’s Joker, not dark and edgy like Heath Ledger, not lighthearted and campy like Cesar Romero (thankfully), but not even a balance of the two like Mark Hamill. His character seems to be largely driven by the actor playing him having a lot of fun with the role instead of his character being deep and nuanced. At least it’s not as bad as John DiMaggio’s Joker where he totally phones it in and just plays Bender in a more high-pitched voice.

But despite all this, the episode is still quite good and I’m very interested to see how everything turns out next week.

But why was Applejack farming corn?

A Few Things

So if anyone’s been keeping tabs on this blog (and I can see the site stats, so I know someone is) you’re probably wondering why I haven’t updated in about 5 weeks. I’d like to give you a good excuse, like my mother dying or my computer being eaten by wasps, but unfortunately I can’t give such a colorful story.

The truth of the matter is that I’m just lazy and unmotivated. When I started this blog I was working in a high-stress job where all my coworkers had their heads up their asses and I needed something to vent myself and relieve stress. Since I’m not allowed near heavy machinery due to court order, this blog was supposed to be the thing I use to vent my stress in word form. However, the job was only for 6 weeks (and no I didn’t get fired after 6 weeks, the whole program was just temporary) and when it ended at the end of July I found a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. I became more relaxed and aloof and this blog seemed like a distant memory that I really didn’t need anymore. And I’m not sure I will again.

So basically what I’m saying is that you shouldn’t expect consistent updates from this blog anymore. Updates will be once in a blue moon and will only happen if I have the time and drive to do them. I’m sorry to disappoint both people who read this blog, but I’m sure that you’ll live without your weekly dose of me in your life.

Some quick notes about articles I said I was going to do:

– I’m not going to do an EVO recap like I said because I was pretty much wrong about everything. I posted my fantasy brackets and EVO predictions on SRK and some asshole pointed out that my SSFIV:AE bracket was a joke and that I didn’t know shit about the game and hadn’t been paying any attention etc. I was about to write a long post to talk about all the lewd sex acts I performed with his mother until I realized that he was absolutely right. I don’t think I’ve watched a single match of SSFIV or AE since MvC3 came out and I know I stopped watching it after MK9 came out. So I’ll own up to being completely wrong about AE. That said, I don’t think anyone would have predicted Latif eliminating Daigo in one of the most hype things I’ve ever seen. Novril made a video that sums it up better than I ever could. As for MvC3, EVO made me confident in my decision to quit that game forever and go back to the far superior MvC2. I was going to smash the disc with a hammer, but I decided to sell it instead because I be mad greedy son. I did like seeing Justin Won’g comeback in the top 16 though. Tekken I only tangentially watched because, like I said before, I don’t play it, but 4 Bobs in the top 8? Really? BBCSII I was surprised with – I mean who would have thought that a Hakumen would have taken Evo? The power of turtling. And I was wrong about Makotos, it seems Noel is the easy win character du jour in CSII. And finally, I was really happy that MK9 displayed not only a lot of hype but a lot of character diversity in the top 8 and high level play of all those characters too. I admit I was wrong about Tom Brady doing well, but at the time I was writing my predictions I forgot that he loses to Reptile badly. I’m not surprised that PerfectLegend won though, he’s an excellent player who plays arguably the best character in the game (even after 6 patches to nerf him). I also didn’t get to check out a ton of the panels, but I did see the SkullgirlS panel and it was quite informative about the game and the new character, Parasoul. So overall, EVO was decent this year.

– I doubt I’ll get too in-depth about “The Problem With Game Reviews” because that topic is pretty preachy. I will make a post discussing how my reviews will work though. I mean, I kind of have to, and you’ll see why when I actually get around to doing a review.

– I might do reviews for InFamous and Wolverine, but the fact is that it’s been a while since I played them, so they’re not fresh in my mind anymore. I do think InFamous is full of problems though and I do love Wolverine and think it’s criminally underrated, so I’ll likely do reviews of both of them eventually.


So that’s all I really have to say. Updates from now on will be infrequent and unscheduled.

“But Gates, how will I know when you update? I mean, I have no life so I could just sit by my computer pressing F5 all day every day, but if a power outage happens I won’t be able to do that and I might miss an update!”

Fear not, little bitch boy, for I have one of them new-fangled Twee-tors that you can follow me at. You can follow me on that and I’ll be sure to tweet everything this happens on this blog because I am SUCH a whore for attention.

That’s all for now.

– Gates

@OpinionatedJ3rk on Twitter